A Peep Into Death 2

I gave myself a moment to take a quick peep at everything I had. Then, my mirror which was directly opposite me showed me my reflection and my heart broke. I thought of my best friend, David and all my class mates. Of my parents and siblings. I had no girl friend, so my thoughts raced to my businesses outside school and how I was sure David would manage them for me. Power had gone out as the lights in my thinking faculty went off. I imagined the sorta messages that would flood my facebook timeline and whatsapp too. Not to talk of people who would call to make sure it was a rumor. Those boys that practiced 007 shooting tricks on me? They fled. My eyes closed. I could feel my systems hugging themselves and saying goodbye forever. My brain and some tissues in my skull came down to take a look at me, the person they had lived together with for twenty four years. At that moment, my spirit jumped out of me and went in search of late grandma...
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For my late friend, #EmmanuelJoseph who was shot in the early hours of Wednesday morning last week.
#R.I.P

A Peep Into Death 1

I saw it coming, Yes, I saw it coming. I couldnt really say what colour it was because the light from my power saving bulb was very good at changing the normal colour of things by giving them a brighter hue or by adding to its colour greatly so that it would appear much more colourful than it really was. I saw it move like the meteors above us and our magnificence, with speed that could smash obstacles. It twisted and twirled almost in a whiz coming towards me. I could do nothing. I was too frail and I was already brought down by the fierce and consistent blows which I had received from big, tight fists. I was dizzy so, maybe I didnt even really see anything.  But, no, this one was conspicuous. In a matter of seconds, it hit me. Yes, that thing I saw. It was a bullet from a gun. It went straight into my skull and rang the bell for recess in my brain. All activities going on there was paused as there was an official declaration of light out and a possible total shutdown. I couldnt say a word, so, I kept my mouth very shut as another bullet came at me. Soon, about five bullets were converged in my brain and they were working very fast and hard in unity, all in an effort to deactivate my thinking faculty and overthrow me as the supreme ruler of my own self. Soon, I felt my pupils dilating. I had watched enough movies to know that I had limited time to live again...

For the One I Love

   

     I want to be in your thoughts all day long. I want to tamper with your senses and give you no space to assemble your thoughts to come to an equilibrium. I want my voice to be the first thing you yearn to hear every morning, to start the day with and to end the day. I want to be in control of your emotions and like a video game, I want you to be happy only when you have won my happiness. I want a sync between us. So much that you would fall ill when I fall ill and have rashes all over you when my head aches. I want to be able to know wherever I am that your thoughts are hundred percent about me. I want to wake up to your messages every morning,  your calls, to wish me a beautiful day ahead and yea, some other calls in-between to make sure I am really doing good. I want to go to sleep only when you sing me a lullaby through the phone.

    They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. I subscribe to that but I do not wish to spend so much time away from the one I love. I want to wake up in your arms where I know I must have slept off the night before, I want to come back, tired from work and meet a husband who has prepared my dinner. I want to watch a romantic movie with you and get turned on. I want to kiss you lightly on the lips and I want you to kiss me back fiercely all over. The kiss that ignites passion. I want your hands to journey through my body. A journey where every obstacle in the form of clothing will be fiercely removed. I want you to do to me what the whores outside would do to you if you run into their arms ever. I want  your tongue to go through me, savoring every part of me, inside out. I want your tongue on my nipples, my breasts, my belly button, my neck. I want you to give me the out of the world feeling. I want you to plunge into me and give mighty thrusts into me like the next minute will be Armageddon. I want you to sweat, the sweat of pleasure and of love. I want you to work hard, moving your body over me, going with the rhythm of my heart beat. I want you to carry me into paradise. I want to scream and wake the neighbors up. I want the world to know that you are mine and I am yours and even if we aren't perfect in anything else, I want perfection to come when your lips meet mine. I want you. I want you in totality...

I Am African 2

    

     "Monkey! Come here now!" master called me and brought me back to reality. I ran quickly to meet him. "Bend your black disgusting self. I want to place my legs on something." he said. You see what I mean? We are cursed! I bend for him. In the distance, I see my friend, Gugulethu. He is held on his two hands and legs by chains and he is tied tightly directly under the sun. His master is using the hot rod to flog him on the back. His back is peeling. Oh, Gugulethu! I shake my head, forgetting that master's legs were on me and he turns and uses the beating stick to slap me across the face. He never touches me with his hands. No! He said it would kill him if his hands ever touched me as I looked like the devil. My face hurts but I cannot touch it. I want to cry but, that means calling for trouble. "You people with black skin are no humans. You are aliens and should be treated as such. You disgust me" my master always said. He said it was a reminder so I dont go about thinking I am human. Black is a curse!

    We are made to cut grasses and even eat uproot them with our teeth when or hands hurt. One man to one plantation working all day under the hot sun. We wash everything and do everything. But, we are not humans. Sometimes, we are called out and beaten because we are black. Other times, we are made to come out in our number, stand in front of the masters and their lady loves and then ordered to do stupid things like licking the long cord that sticks out from my leg. I do not yet know what that cord is doing there and I am sure the white men do not have it. No wonder we are called aliens and monkeys and devils. Whatever that means. Did I tell you we do not put on clothes? Never! I cannot even remember what it feels like to put on clothes.

    I am black. They say we are Africans. We are disgusting people and we are aliens. But, we are very strong people. We do not fall sick like the white people. We are amazing aliens. We do not cmplain and we do not even die. I however await the day all of us will go back to the alien land from which we came from. I miss mama. Papa was shot the day I was taken away because he struggled and didnt want his son to be taken away. I miss Ropafadco, my baby brother. I miss my only sister, Nkosi. I want to go home. I want to wear clothes. I want to ask mama why I am black. I want to know how old I am. I want to know what that long cord is. I want to...

And my name? its Kudakwashe.

I Am African 1

 

    I am told to sit, I sit. Then, again, I am ordered to stand and I do. My life is one without freedom. I only do what I am told. In fact, if this white man realizes that I am even thinking, without his orders, my already torn back will peel off and probably be used in place of cow hyde or as leather to make new boots for his lady love. So, you see, I do not have a life or, would you call this living? Ehn?

Its not my fault that I was born black. No! But, right now, I am beginning to feel like its all my fault. There were many options from which I could have chosen from at birth. I could have found a reason to die in mama's womb. I could have also not even allowed myself to be born. You see, I could have transported myself to a white woman's womb and boom, I would have come out a white child. But, I didn't and here I am, a slave to Mr Rock Willies. I do not still know how to pronounce the Willies in his name so, I call him Master to save myself from the rod that would greet my back if I dared called his name wrongly.

You see, to be black is a sin! A curse! I hear them speak sometimes and though I understand nothing they say because they talk as if water is in their mouth. I should try it someday when I go to the store to collect some things from Gugulethu. I would sound like them. I know however with the way master looks at me when he talks with his friend that I look like something the earth rejected...

Letters to My Beloved 2

   

    Everyday we talk, I feel the powers that be smile at me and every time you laugh, my heart begins to think its a song and it begins to beat very fast to match the rhythm. When in your arms, I feel safe, like David in the psalms. Your calls bring about joy in me and when you say those naughty things to me over the phone, I in the distance can see your face and hold you. When you kiss me, the sun changes colour and the flower fairies crown me with beautiful dances. I could award you but, I do not know what award it would be. The one who loves me the most? The one who make my heart skip beats? The one who sends shivers down my spine? The one who brings light to my life? Colours my life with the brightest hues? I could say stuff and write stuff but how I feel about you, I cant explain. I do not have words to breakdown what you do to me. All the words in the world, yet, I cannot in English or any other language tell you what I feel for you is stronger than the foundation of the Tower of Babel. It runs deep in me. I yearn to hear your voice everyday, to be with you, to stay with you. Like Bruno Mars, I would catch a grenade for you and like Whitney Houston, I will always love you. Like Rihanna, you saw my heart breaking and I hate that I love you so, but, like Jennifer Lopez, you got me and I cannot deny it and right now, Im into you.

    I love you and I hope we'd always be this is love.  

                                                                                                                          Your Baby.
                                                                                                                                   

Letters To My Beloved 1

   

    Our love, it started from the online game house where I beat you in the fastest fingers game. Then, we became friends. Like you said, you just couldn't fathom how anyone would beat you hands down in a game you practically started. We started to chat everyday and soon, we became best of friends.I loved another but you stood your ground. Slowly but steadily you began to fall deep in love with me. When you told me you loved me, I called your bluff and got pretty mad at you. Yet, you stayed and loved me from a distance. Everyday, you checked on me and we never for once had a reason to become enemies. You loved me through the years. You loved me through my tears. When I was heartbroken, you were hands opened. I cried in your arms and I talked to you when I could talk to no one. You knew I was heart broken when he left me hoping and you made me feel better. 

    The first day I saw you, I fell in love with you. Every smile, every laugh, every joke. When you said the walk was tiring and when you decided to perform wonders with that terrible mixture. Remember? And when I manicured your nails as you requested I sang for you. I loved the way you looked at me; the lost in love look. I felt like the only girl in the world. The way you allow me to be the baby and you, the man. I loved it that you called and checked up on me and soon, our love grew in leaps and bounds and gradually, I forgot my other lover who only brought me grief. Suddenly, you became a part of my life so much that one day without you seemed like ages. I finally realized that you are everything I have always wanted. I have searched in different places, searched for love in the wrongest places. The same love I found when I found you...

THE WAKE-UP CALL

My eyelids were extremely heavy and my eyeballs felt like they were popping out of their sockets that morning as I went to shower and get ready for school. I was very weak and it was a Monday morning. This had never happened to me before and it seemed very strange. I had two classes that Monday morning and about four more others from afternoon through evening which meant I would be going back home from school by 7pm if the lecture was not dragged on by the lecturer. I was feeling dizzy and though I still stubbornly took my bath and prepared for school, I figured out I couldn’t go to school that morning so, I sat on my bed, ordered for pizza and fought to stay awake and await the pizza delivery man...

While waiting for my pizza, I took some medications which mummy had advised me to keep at handy in case of unusual illnesses just like this one and though I argued with her about the efficacy of drugs as I hated them with a passion, I was glad in my heart that I took those drugs as she advised. Few minutes later, I heard three taps on my door and guessed it was the pizza man. I stood up, went to the door and after exchanging pleasantries with the pizza man, I collected my order and went into the kitchen to boil water for hot milk which I intended to take alongside my pizza...

I took my breakfast as slowly as possible, reason being that I couldn’t have been any faster since my eyes could not even differentiate between my cup of milk and pack of pizza. Everything was not fine with me that morning and as I tried to think about what it was that was disturbing me, my mind went on a journey. Still, after all the time I spent trying to figure out why I wasn’t feeling well, I found out nothing. I got pretty mad and decided to take a cup of very hot coffee, after all, people said “coffee keeps you awake” and awake I intended to be! I made coffee, drank it and felt like my eyes were a little open. This was exactly what I wanted! Open eyes!...

I began making calls to my friends to tell them that I wasn’t going to make it to school as I wasn’t feeling too well. I also called to borrow notebooks from my other friends who I was sure would write notes. After doing this, I felt like I had achieved something at least. Now, even with my achievement, I still felt weird. It wasn’t the sickness this time around. I just wasn’t myself at all. I was having a stubborn feeling and no matter how I tried to shake the feeling off, it stayed and even got worse. I knew everything was fine at home because I spoke with my parents the night before and they assured me that all was well. In fact, my mum and I wasted almost the whole airtime on making fun of each other and my dad, so, home was at peace. I had no grandparents to be worried about and the only other family I knew were my cousins Ugo and Adanna and their parents, Uncle Raymond and his wife, Aunty Ezinne and as far as I was concerned, they were very fine. I mean, wasn’t it Uncle Raymond that sent me the money for the mobile phone I just got? Biko. If he could send me twenty five thousand naira for a mobile phone, he could as well be very fine. I knew also that if things were not fine with him, he would have called to let me know. Or, was it my best friend, Tope? We spoke not quite long ago and she didn’t complain of anything.  All these came to my mind because of the premonitions that were mentioned in the last fellowship I attended. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t having premonitions I knew nothing about. I wanted to be sure that my present feeling of discomfort was not arising from something I should hitherto have known about. I didn’t feel up to praying but, I however said a few desperate words to the Almighty God that I serve and sat back on my bed...

Twenty minutes later, my phone rang and the caller was my dad...My mum just passed away! I screamed terribly and cried like never before. I began to perspire stupidly and before I knew what it was, my roommate poured a bowl of water on me and I opened my eyes very widely only to realize I had been sleeping and it was all a dream!

Just for Fun

So, I walked into a restaurant where my friends and I could eat a decent meal without what we always referred to as “the disturbance” which was our own invention for the male folk as we concluded that they were just a bunch of disturbing people who didn’t know when their presence was needed. The ones we considered to fit into this name are those ones who wanted to flirt with basically all the ladies. “As if it adds any naira to their net worth” my girlfriend, Kourtney always said.

Once inside the restaurant, our fast eyes scanned the entire area for a perfect seating position away from prying eyes. Oly soon found a spot close to the window directly opposite the entrance and gingerly, the three of us walked to our seat. “Who is doing the waiter thingy today?” I asked and Kourtney who totally loved to e the centre of attraction everywhere she found herself, volunteered without a second thought. Most times, Oly and I couldn’t help blame her. After all, she didn’t endow herself with the manner of beauty she possessed and for someone who was as beautiful as she was, it was really difficult not to show off.

“We are having the usual right?” she asked grinning from ear to ear as we nodded in affirmation. Immediately, Kourtney bounced off her seat to relay our orders to the waiter as was our habit. “Kourtney is really beautiful.” I said as I watched her walk down to the counter and Oly agreed with me just as we changed the topic to something else as we didn’t have the time for gossiping. Just as Oly said something which caused me to laugh, a young, handsome man came our way.

“Hey ladies.” He said. “Mind if I joined you?” he asked, throwing us a smile which I believed he thought was amazing. Oly took her time to practically weigh him. Now, weighing was one term we used to refer to the kind of stare when you are looked at or should I say, scrutinized from head to toe in the most derogatory way in the world and, for the records, this was something Oly had a natural PhD in. After weighing him and making him feel very stupid indeed, Oly gave him the answer to his question. “No”.

Cutie pie didn’t seem to e able to move from the spot. He stood transfixed and at that moment, bad mouth Kourtney chose to return with our food. On seeing the young man, Kourtney dropped the food quite dramatically on the table, pulled back her chair and began to stare at him with the most devilish of all her smiles. Soon enough, cutie couldn’t take it any longer and he fled from our presence.

At that moment, we all burst out in laughter.

Life of a Nigerian

...So, I opened my eyes to behold the bright fluorescent light in my room glittering directly above me. I hated sleeping with the lights on and though I had slept off, the light had a way of waking me. Yes, the light! The one our confused PHCN had decided to allow when I had already given up my wait. What nonsense!

I had kept myself awake, a forced vigil all in the hope for electricity which I had actually paid for some day back. I had stayed awake till 2am when I finally dozed only to be awoken by 4am by the light. I wanted to curse PHCN with all my might, but, instead, I put the light to use.

Immediately, I jumped up from my bed, plugged all my gadgets and my pc, and all my electrical appliances, put my almost spoilt leftover food into the microwave to heat up a little as my gas and kerosene had both finished and I had no money to purchase another one. I was happy that at least, I could get the privilege of using the electricity I had paid for, because in my part of the world, Oshodi, Lagos, Nigeria, it really is a privilege to use the electricity one pays for. I ran to bring out the clothes I would wear for the next week so that I could iron them. Immediately I plugged the iron and made sure it was hot enough, it happened!

The light went off. In some places, one would check if the bulb got burnt or something related to the electrical connection, but, in my case, I knew that wasn’t even a possibility as it was a usual occurrence. PHCN had taken the light! At that moment, all the curses I had harboured in my heart burst out of my mouth. I cursed and cursed and finally went to take my food which as it were was the only benefit I got from the useless five minute electricity supply as it was hot and good enough for consumption. After eating, I went back to my bed to continue killing mosquitoes which was what I was doing before I slept off the last time.

Totally in Love

I have always believed in love which is nurtured and grown well and not the whole shitty love at first sight. I had really held strongly to that belief that nobody could just find love in one stare. For heaven’s sake, who does that?

All or maybe most of my girlfriends either believed in the crap about love at first sight ir fantasized about such experience. You see why I hated cartoons like Beauty and the Beast and Cinderella that made people feel there was anything like a happily ever after? It just gives girls the inability to see life as it really is and plunges them into a state where everything seemed like a fairytale. Imagine!

My friends had also made a bet with me that I would also experience love at 1^st sight and mine would be very crazy. I had only agreed to the bet knowing that I would surely win. Haha!

However, two days later, my eyes caught sight of the most spectacular of God’s creations. It totally amazed me how God could think up such wonder. Beautiful and exhilarating the sight was and I couldn’t help but stare and stare till I almost fell into a ditch. It was awesome and at that moment, I knew I had found the love of my life. I told my friends and though they were disappointed at how I could fall so in love with the clouds, especially those that hold the moon at night, they laughed...

Student Life....

It was raining heavily that Tuesday afternoon. The roads in school were all muddied up and some roads that were not properly taken care of were drowned in water. People are fond of saying, “Water, e no get enemy”, but, such kinds of destroying rains were an enemy to everybody. I had just finished me lectures for the day and wanted to really hit the bed as my head was aching terribly. These sorts of headaches caused blurred vision to me and that was why I was eagerly looking for someone who was going my way. I didn’t find.

          I had to manage myself, so, I set off in the direction where “home” was. As I got to the place where I was meant to cross the road to the other side, I watched too carefully and when I was sure I could cross, I did and thanked God in my mind that I wasn’t hit by any vehicle. My phone began to vibrate in my back pocket and just as I was about to pick the incoming call, my handkerchief fell. I then bent to pick it up while on the call. That was when it happened. The one thing I had been avoiding; a car moving with high speed sped by and splashed me all the water on the left side of the road!

Wrong Love

It’s early in the morning. I had slept like a lamb throughout the night and felt relaxed. All my muscles seemed at peace and I was in a world of my own, but, the only problem was, I could only open my eyes and let it perform its functions. I was just too lazy to move from my position on the bed. I was thinking!

Normally, my days are well planned and this day was pretty planned as well, but, I just had images appearing and disappearing from my mind. I was thinking! I was confused, heartbroken and frustrated. I didn’t even understand why. Everything in the room I saw carried his face. He was in my head and though I was trying to erase him, I knew I couldn’t. He broke my heart even without trying. He got me confused also without a trial. I was unhappy, yet, I laughed loud. He broke my heart, but, I still really loved him. You see the problem with love? I was here on my bed, thinking! I would have remained there if my very faithful friend did not call to remind me that we had a seminar presentation in the next one hour!

Thoughts of teenage Girl 2

   

It was a new semester and students had just begun to return to school. I was elated. God! How I missed my friends! I rushed into the bathroom that morning took my bath and got ready for my trip to Nsukka in Enugu state where my school was located. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t care that my bus was leaving by 7am as I was ready before 5am. I was really going back to school.

My parents were surprised that I was the one who woke them up to drive me to the park where I would take the bus because normally, they would have been the ones to wake me up and warn me not to miss my bus. I missed school! I got to the park about twenty minutes before it was time for the bus to start moving (that’s because mummy took about two hours to get dressed. I wondered if she was even the one travelling) and got my things into the bus which I was supposed to board. I couldn’t wait for the bus to move. I didn’t even hear my parents telling me to take care and all the other stuff that parents know how to say #winks.

   Finally the bus moved. I spent my time calming down and knowing that the journey would be perfect, I smiled that confident smile and relaxed on the number 3 seat in the Peace Mass Transit bus I boarded. The bus had been moving for some minutes and then, my head began to ache. That’s when I began to miss my parents. Normally, mummy would have told me to sleep or given me pain relievers and daddy would have praised me so that I would laugh a little. Now, all the thoughts of my school faded from my memory and all I could think about was home.

   Oh, I never told you? I am the only legitimate child of my parents. I only got one younger sibling because I badly wanted one and I disturbed them day in day out for a sibling. I was taken to the orphanage home where I finally chose a younger sister and named her Beauty. It’s not like she was such a beaú but, I just wanted her to feel special. Now in the bus, I missed the fact that Beauty and I would have been playing the “no boy breaks my heart” game. I was bent on teaching my sister how to be the girl of every guys dreams and I would go any extent to make sure she ended up as one. My sister couldn’t be heartbroken!

   My headache increased and I felt like I was going to collapse. Then, I heard the baritone voice of a male beside me. Do you know I never even realized there was anybody sitting beside me? I turned to face the direction from where the voice came and though I knew immediately I heard him that he was beside me, I turned anyways and I saw the most handsome male being I had ever come across in my life...no exaggeration! He had these dreamy almond coloured eyes, the sexiest lips ever, a perfectly structured face and geez, his brows were perfect. He said hello and smiled. His teeth were perfect. You know, it’s quite difficult to find people with white perfect teeth, especially in Nigeria? But, this guy was different. I said ‘hi” back and he brought out his hands to give me a handshake. What I saw made me smile. His finger nails were wonderfully manicured! Choi!...

The Thoughts of a Teenage Girl

    I tried to act like it was all fine. I was strong willed and I knew deep down in my heart that I was the most emotionally strong female I knew and though this same nonsense was the reason I was going through everything I was going through and it felt like I just wasn’t cut out for love and it wasn’t just meant for me, I held unto it squarely. I was strong!

    I was the one who knew the solutions to everybody’s emotional and even psychological problems-well, at times though. I was the perfect match maker. I could match people who never knew they were anything and they would make a great item. I knew all the signs. I knew the difference between a crush, an admiration, lust, infatuation, love and stupidity and I could give a lecture to a thousand people on them. Of course, if there were a course like that in the university, I could teach and handle it pretty well; in fact all my students would come out in As.

    I was the pretty girl who had enough attention from the opposite sex and who knew how to twist them all, drain them of their money and still leave them wanting me the more. Yes, I could teach that too to all the girls that didn’t understand the common sense of being a lady. I knew the charms and I had them. I was the girl who you’d meet for an advice and who would advise you while making a joke out of the problem. I was the girl who never believed that love could make me be in the position of those helpless girls or guys who could hardly think straight because of someone in their heart. You needed to know the disgust I felt with the thought that one person could be giving another person sleepless nights. I loved my sleep and I was too selfish to miss my sleep all because of one useless being who I was sure was asleep in his own bed while I killed myself with thoughts about him. Geez!

I was the sort of girl who would date just to taste and see what dating was and jump out just the way I jumped in just because I felt it wasn’t worth my time. I could never consider anybody because I didn’t know what heart break felt like. I was like this till he came my way and just destroyed my life...

OLAMMA

       

It was already 9am and the so-called first bus which would take Olamma to Nsukka, where the University of Nigeria which she had so readily prepared for was situated, had not even shown any signs of movement. “Oga”, came the piercing and high-pitched voice of a rather gaunt woman. “When we go comot for here na?” she asked. “People never put their load for inside the moto na, madam. Abi you wan siddon for chair dey carry person bag? When we finish the arrangement, everybody go enter the bus and bus go move” the dark, round man who had chapped front teeth and a scary pressed-down nose who was later found out to be the driver answered quite ordinarily, like he said that every day to impatient, gaunt women.

             Olamma who was of mixed feelings listened to the driver and the woman and concluded in her world of imagination that in very ancient times, one would be called ‘Ajonu’ and the other, most preferably, the woman will be known as ‘Ndidi’, since most times, people were the exact opposites of the names bestowed upon them. She came back to reality only after trying to imagine them both in loin clothes and the woman with coal designed on her lips instead of the shiny red lipstick she had decided to put on that, in Olamma’s candid opinion made her look like an Egyptian over-decorated mummy. Since boredom was gradually creeping up to her, she started sizing up the woman. She looked about thirty five and had a long, smooth face. She had short but fine legs and in that, Olamma almost gave her a thumb up. She was of average build though and lacking some curves at some places. Of course, Olamma wouldn’t have seen it, if not for the extremely tight pair of denim jean trousers and short top that the woman was sporting. Out of a hundred percent, Olamma’s calculated scrutiny ended up placing her at forty eight percent. “At least I’m fair enough” she thought within herself.

                “Mma, when you get into the bus, hold your bag very well oh! Keep your phone on and make sure you pray. Mind your own business too. You know this is your first time travelling alone. Nothing will happen to you, inugo?” her mother finally said to her when the bus was due to move. “I have heard, mummy” she answered. “Be a good girl oh! You know that the university is not our house. Read your books like you used to and study very hard. You know the family from where you emerged, okwa ya?”, she continued and Mma smiled instead. She smiled because her mother was smiling, that kind of smile that is shared through a common chemistry between mother and daughter who knew each other’s thoughts without even asking. They harboured their grief and sent it to each other through a common smile which spoke volumes. It was the first time mother and daughter had parted ways and it hurt more than they could both understand...

LETTERS TO VAL

I had woken up that morning and after rolling round the bed lazily, a useless habit I had trained myself to adapt to, I finally cleaned my eyes, said a short prayer, did my bible study and went to brush my teeth. I was determined to wash all my clothes that day because for heavens’ sake, I had kept a nonsense pile of dirty clothes and suddenly I had felt too not lazy not to wash them that is if you understand what I mean.

I however washed the whole pack of clothes and went ahead to spread them outside to dry as the sun had decided that day to come out from its hiding and sincerely, I felt like a genius for being able to choose the right day to wash; I felt like I controlled the bodies that be. Fresh right?

I began to spread my clothes, while humming a song I was listening to via my cousin’s phone and soon enough, a tall fellow passed by and I thought to myself how cool it was to be tall. But, then, I also said within myself, it wasn’t easy work to be portable like I was. Haha! I concentrated on my chore and before I knew it, the tall person passed again and this time around he didn’t just pass as in pass and go, he was passing and approaching me! Heavens! It was early morning and I hadn’t even taken my bath and someone was already walking to me!

Problem is, I am quite nice and before long, my teeth were shining as I exchanged pleasantries with the person and soon learnt there was a party going on in the lodge that night to which I was cordially invited. I hated parties, but, he was polite and because he kept pleading that we attended, my cousin and I decided to show our face at the party that night and, that was where it all began; I got a new friend!

Soon enough, I was welcome at his place and I started feeling quite comfortable with him because he knew how to express himself in the most polite way and was very careful with his choice of words lest he hurts the person he is conversing with....

Thing is, I suddenly got used to him and started visiting without any reason so that in just five days, we had become really close. I like to think of him as my elder brother, basically bcos I don’t have one and he just fits the picture of an elder brother. We have a lot in common and though I haven’t told him, I feel his wife is going to be one very lucky woman because she will be having the honour of marrying someone as cool as he is and I'm so not missing their wedding at all. For what kwanu?

I'm going to miss him and as he is leaving later today, I feel like an integral part of me is leaving. He is obviously going to miss naughty me too though...

Ok, this one is for you, Val. I would have written something much more professional, but, thus is straight from my heart, very undiluted, “You are a nice person and Veeqy is so going to miss your company, even though she has only been able to have it for five days. You have graduated and I'm just starting up. I pray for all the best things that life has in store for you and because you are a nice person to be with, you will only encounter nice things  as  you step into the world to show them that Geology aint what we all thought it was...have a great life, Val!”

AMARACHI 1

       

 

  I have always wanted to be a part of those people who made others feel at ease with life and make them laugh naturally. It’s not like I have to always pretend to be who I’m not, but, it comes naturally that self contentment, coupled with the joy of the others around me makes my day worth the stress. I’m the second child in a family of five; four girls and a boy, with a beautiful mum and the gentlest of fathers. My family is quite the receptive and agreeable kind. But for my elder sister whom my distant cousin says should study law instead of pharmacy for her consistency at strong arguments and my little sister who scares my cousin with her shrill but beautiful voice and her rare gift of writing which is very endearing, my family is quite the ordinary one. Daddy works in the staff quarters or preferably, staff building of the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, Enugu state as an administrator. I still feel that the job suits him perfectly well. Although daddy owns an old model Mercedes Benz, the pride in me each time I sit in the back seat or the front seat (as the case may be) is quite unequaled and unparalleled. My elder sister and I both study at the school, so, most times, we go to school with daddy. You might not understand my pride till you actually trek the long distance from your house off campus to school and back every day.   My family is really simple, no extravagances or extra comfort. We live by our means.

                 My mum is a former entrepreneur. She actually had to stop her business because at a point, one very confused motorcyclist chose my mum to learn how to hit people and after that day, mother’s walking step changed after a whole series of treatments and bandaging and, she finally had to close down her business. I felt like punching the motorcyclist every single day that I watched my mother in pain, but, as I grew, I began to understand that God has a way of doing things and if it was His will, then, I had to stop searching the roads for the motorcyclist that plunged my beloved mother into the pain that she was going through on a daily basis.

              My siblings are quite distinct personalities. My elder sister, Chioma, whom we call Daa Chioma and is the first child in the family, is quite strict. She takes up her duty as the elder sister without blinking an eye. Sometimes, in her arguments, she refuses to let others speak which I feel is rude, but, I guess it has always been that way. She has an unchallenged authority in the house too. First born dey sweet oo! My immediate younger sister, Onyinyechi is the very silent one who only gives lopsided comments and laughs like there was no tomorrow. She is very brainy and sings beautifully. She also has the skill of the pens and her writing makes me wonder where I fall into in the category of bookers. I have another sister who you will meet before the end of the story anyways. Yes, my little brother, the famous Chiboy. Talks, walks, plays and even laughs like a girl. It’s not his fault anyways...he is surrounded by the ladies. He is quite a naughty boy, but, he is such a darling. I still wonder when he will understand that he is eleven years old and I still don’t get the joy he derives from kicking a deflated and weak balloon instead of a football!

           Time to talk about me! ... (Next episode)

HATED

“Really! You walked all the way to my house to break up with me? You have a phone you know and you could have easily called me so that I don’t have to see your God damned face one last time!” I bellowed at Franklin, my boyfriend who had just turned my ex three minutes ago.

I didn’t know how else to contain my fury except by lashing out at him totally. I had been the perfect lady. The kind of girlfriend that people would quarrel over, yet, my useless boyfriend could not see it at all. I went through everything in life for him without even thinking about the effect on me at all. I loved him and cherished him more than I did myself and now, he could just wake up one early morning and think I was waste that he could just dump anyhow?

“Listen, Katelyn! I can’t keep hurting you. It’s really wicked for me to break up with you on the phone. And, as much as I hate to do this, I have to. I keep hurting you. You do a whole lot that I can’t even learn how to appreciate and its tearing me apart. Katelyn, you deserve someone better. Someone who would admire you and even worship you for just being you. I am not that someone and I need to release you so you could find that someone. I'm sorry, but, you are just too good for me and I don’t deserve you”, He finished.

Of course he didn’t deserve me! I mean, who does that? Take a girl who would basically die for you for granted? Just like that? Is that life? Anyways, he kept talking and talking and trying to explain himself and sincerely, I didn’t give a damn any longer. One more look at Franklyn and I decided what I wanted with us; distance.

“Kate, we could still be friends you know”, he said, in a shaky voice that I guess was supposed to make me feel some sympathy or so, but, then, that was what broke me.’’

“You are out of your mind! Friends with whom? I can’t be your friend. I can’t even see you again. I don’t ever want anything with you. Fuck, Frank! If you can’t learn how to appreciate me when I'm practically throwing myself at you, then you can never be able to appreciate me as your friend. Its past two now and I need to take my beauty sleep. Have a great life”, I replied and shoved him out of my door.

Once he had gone out the door, I slammed it with all the rage I could muster and suddenly, without knowing it, I burst into tears. I had never cried like that all my life and for the first time in a long time, I allowed my heartbreak flow out of me like a burst pipe. I allowed the tears flow freely down my cheeks as I muttered the words “I love you” to myself...

Lusting...

Simisola came back from school that day and sat on the bed in her properly furnished room. With fatigue that made the room seem upside down to her, she placed her head on her pillow as she lay face-up on the bed. She cast her glance towards the ceiling of her room which she shared with her twin sisters.

Looking around her, she began to feel drowsy and expected herself to fall asleep immediately. She shut her eyes and instead of drifting to sleep, she drifted to thoughts about her latest beau. She saw his eyes first, those small, beautiful almond coloured eyes which were properly adorned with the most amazing lashes. Soon enough, his whole face flashed before her and his beautiful heart shaped lips made her smile. She loved his whole look and felt he was amazing. Her mind began to stray to the first kiss they had and how she almost fainted with joy at how his lips met hers and implanted a burning passion in her, how she tried to feel his heart pulsating against hers in their warm embrace but instead felt his perfect body and shivered. She remembered vividly how he held her so close to him the last time before she travelled as if he was scared of letting her go, the words he spoke into her ear the last time....

and she fell asleep.

Lusting...

Emotions Running...

For every word he said, my heart let out a maddening yell and threatened to escape from its confines. His words were like missiles and they tore through my heart, leaving fresh wounds in it. When he threatened to leave, I heard the shattering of my heart and whether or not it was obvious, his words became permanently implanted in my soul. I watched him rant and prance to and fro the sitting room and for the first time in my life, I was defenceless. With my mouth agape, my eyes brimming with fresh release of tears, my face all muddied up in concealer, foundation, contour, powder and tears plus a little black colour which had proceeded from my lower eyelid which was lined perfectly with black eyeliner, my head, a battlefield of varying memories struggling in their individual conquest for recognition and attention and my self-esteem literally packing out from me to a place where it would be properly treated, I felt my life was over and I was totally disarmed.

Ken kept pouring out his disappointment in extremely hurtful words. all the while, never stopping to see the damage he had done to me, written all over me. I kept quiet because I couldn't grasp any words. The English alphabets forsook me at that time. I was at the verge of going wacko when he finally stopped to look my way.

In that short moment, I felt the world had paused. Nothing else seemed to be happening and I waited; waited for the next thing he was going to say. However, he said nothing. For over five minutes, we stood like that. I couldn't take it anymore and the untamed scream that escaped my mouth got him running to me. I was broken. Ken rushed to me, held me in his hands as I was about to fall due to the weight of my heartbreak as my body couldn't bear it and kissed my forehead. He held me so close and whispered to me, "Baby, I love you. I always have and always will. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love you." At that moment, I felt a cool breeze sweep through my heart and clear my heart break. I wanted to tell him I loved him but I still had a problem with words. Instead, he cupped my face in his hands and we shared a very passionate kiss...

Emotions Running

I Saw Paapi

I saw paapi. Yes, I saw him. He was standing under that mango tree, the one in front of our compound. He was putting on his khaki shorts and that green polo that had a spider drawn in front of it and I don't know why but, he was putting on two different dun lop slippers. I saw paapi. With his head shining even in the moonlight. His choice of haircut still marvels me, but, it is his hair and his head. I saw paapi. I was just coming back from Ejiro's house where maami sent me to help her return some pots. I had been there all day, just returning pots. I noticed maami was trying to make me rush and mama Ejiro seemed surprised to see me bringing back her pots. I don't think maami told her I was bringing the pots back that day. However, I had to finally go to the market for her. Old women and their love for sending people on errands. Especially to that market!😒

I am seeing paapi now and I am seeing him very well this time. He is holding a girl. Wait, let me look closely. Ha! Its Ejiro's twin sister, Eseosa. That very ugly girl! I think she is the one holding paapi or, maybe, they are both holding each other. Well, whatever. Paapi is whispering something into her ears and she is laughing. I heared that this is what boyfriends and girlfriends do at night under mango trees. But, I thought paapi is too old to have a girlfriend? Paapi is my father and I have five elder brothers. Paapi has always warned them never to be seen under a mango tree with a girl, especially at night because only irresponsible people did that. So, paapi is irresponsible? Is irresponsible a good thing? Now, I have gotten tired of looking at them and I have to go inside to tell maami that I am hungry.

I am inside now and maami is on the mat with one man. He is the village palm wine tapper. Maami and him, Osagie are covered with maami's pink and blue wrapper and they are moving somehow. Maybe maami is sick. They havent seen me and I don't want to enter because maami always warned me not to ever enter into a place where two adults are.

Now, I'm in my room and Im hungry. I want to eat but, I cannot go to the pot because I am not yet ten years old. Maami has to finish what she is doing so that she can give me food to eat.

So, I have begun to count how many straws my mat has. One, two, three...

I saw paapi...

His Crown

I steadily watched the metamorphosis that took place everyday. The way it shone and stood like a family, though a very large nuclear one. I saw it form an umbrella and I also watched it become an independent entity. Everyday, I imagined making it look like a farm where plants were placed in rows or turning it into a garden of arranged flowers and beds of thorns too. I loved it when, like a hen about to lay its eggs, it scattered in all places, looking like where the characters in George Orwell's animal farm had their great battle. I watched it lovingly everyday and begged that that beautiful aura it gave should not be disposed of.

Then, one day, it was all gone! It disappeared into much more than thin air and was never to be seen. I asked for its remnants and was told it was gone too. I wept in my heart for I loved it so much.

Amazing it was that when he returned to school, I wanted it to be a lie, that maybe that colony of beautiful black hair was still on his head. However, when Val came back, I saw he had taken his crown off and that beautiful black mass of hair I adored had gone forever...

His Crown

My Best Friend...

Like the state of the economy, he was declining. Every now and then, he changed from him to somebody else. He became a total stranger to me and I to him. It wasn't the high pitched, happy "Veeqy, whatsup?" when I called. Neither did he remind me that the food he ate at FRANCO was sexy.

I heared him talk, yet, I yearned to hear him talk. He lost his glow and usual somewhat natural ability to make light of every situation. He didn't see my hair when I changed it and even if he did see it, he didn't notice or make any comment. He didn't remind me every time I pulled off my glasses that I was Irene and he didn't ask about home or how I was doing.

He became distant and no matter how close I came, I felt him inwardly warning me not to venture closer and outwardly sending me signals that he needed his alone time and I felt the distance pierce through my subconscious. It wasn't fair. I had done nothing. His replies suddenly became curt, matter-of-factly and bizarre, like he was only replying because he should and not because he knew he should.

He probably didn't know but he had begun to scare me. I saw pain in his eyes and I wanted to hold him close, in a warm embrace and remind him that I loved him and was always going to be there for him. He was my best friend but suddenly, his coldness made me feel like an observer. I missed being his friend. I missed his laugh, his gesticulations and his noise. I missed him.

I wanted my best friend back.

I still want him back...

My Best Friend

Funny Memories...

I remember when one time, we had a very funny security man for the compound. He spoke nonsense as if it was too much sense and made stupidity seem like wisdom. He was rude and thought he was utmostly polite and worse of all, he thought he was brave.

He used to boast that he had enough juju to wipe out an entire city and if boko haram dared come around, he would protect us and we would all laugh it off. This continued until one day...

It was the last Saturday of the month and in Lagos, where I stay, it was environmental sanitation day. Every shop was closed and every house was busy. I was cleaning the front of the house when suddenly, I saw people running at high speed. The first person zoomed past me in such high speed and then before I could find out who it was, two others ran past me again. Original amebo like me went straight to the backyard to inform my mum and siblings that I saw three people running towards the backyard. Before I finished my report, the three of them reached our side and funny enough, the person leading the race was the security guard.We asked erybody to calm down as we asked for explanations as to why they were running and after the explanation, we all laughed.

The thing was, the two men were running because of the KAI officials were chasing them as they werent supposed to be seen outside going to work before the environmental sanitation was over. Then, they ran into our compound which was the first in sight. However, they intensified their race when they saw the security man fly out of his room. 

The security man when asked said he didnt know why they were running o, but, he couldnt watch two fully grown men running like that without trying to save his own life.

At that moment, I died.😄😄

Funny Memories